Black Suit
by Anna Hiwatari
Summary: Zoro's preparing for the day he never thought would come. The black suit is waiting for him but he's not prepared to step out of that room as the memories come to him one after another...


Nobody will forget this day. On this day clouds never felt heavier, air never felt sharper and the sea never seemed colder. Gray clouds that soared in the sky for three whole days, letting small rain fall over the island like a mist, were still there; still so annoying, thick and monochrome. But they couldn't be discouraged by small rain; they won't allow anything to ruin this day, not clouds, sappy rain, cold wind or even the raging sea. Thankfully, ocean was calm as if it could read the feelings of the crewmates on a small ship; it supported them.

Most of the crew were on the main deck, all dressed up, talking quietly in whispers, not wanting to disturb the peace that has been dwelling on the ship ever since the golden dawn. They woke up on their third day docked at this island which they didn't know that was inhabited at first but after just one day, that small group of people that were on the island ran away from pirates… ran for their lives to be saved, as if bandits were better than pirates. So now, this tropical island was all out of people but full of delicious fruits that could be used. And for the crew, those ingredients rested in the white refrigerator, waiting for chief's knife to cut them through and later be served with pure finesse. It waited… just like the crew on the main deck. They waited for their swordsman to dress up in the freshly ironed black suit that lay on the bed.

He still couldn't clear his thoughts… It all happened so fast, too fast. And he couldn't believe that it's all happening right in that moment, in the present. He could never imagine that he would ever need to wear a black suit. He glanced at it over his joined hands he rested on his knees and frowned to the sight of innocent dark fabric. It stared back at him, as it was showing off its elegancy, something Zoro never intentionally had. It wasn't in his nature to dress up fancy… unlike the cook.

Zoro sighed, the grip of his hands tightened and he put his forehead back down on them, biting his lip. His heart skipped a beat again, making his chest ache a bit but he sighed again to calm down. He still sat on the small sofa, across the suit, still sorting his thoughts. He heard the voices above him; the crew talked a bit louder, walking up and down, back and forth on the deck, getting nervous by the seconds, waiting for him to climb up and join them. The ceremony will start soon. But he still wasn't ready for it.

Swordsman looked up and his eyes caught the empty bowl on the center of the small table in front of him. A small snort instinctively left his throat and his eyes narrowed. He remembered how Luffy always cried for snacks and how the cook would always prepare more. He would always go easy on their captain but between him and Zoro was a different kind of relationship. So Zoro once walked in the kitchen and took the plate of freshly made snacks. He couldn't resist the aroma that circulated the kitchen so he just had to try at least one. Just like that, one by one, delicious snacks were gone. And just when he stuffed his mouth and tried to put one fried ball of potatoes more, blonde cook came in the kitchen. At first, they just stared at each other, Zoro with his mouth full of crunchy potatoes and Sanji, amazed or angry or surprised to see the swordsman so eager for his food. Zoro put the last ball on the plate and exited the kitchen, still with his mouth full, giving the cook that glare they exchanged at times; only wanting to escape the scene and not get into another fight with him. He was sure that Sanji was pissed off. More than girls, Sanji loved his food so for Zoro sneaking around and secretly stuffing his mouth with friend potato balls it only meant that Sanji will get mad at him and give him the piece of his mind. He ate those snacks instead of dinner and couldn't show in the kitchen the whole time others were there; he waited for Sanji's rage but when the cook came to the back of the ship where Zoro sat for hours, instead of yelling his lungs out, Sanji served to him the dinner they had. He didn't let Luffy eat Zoro's share – he brought it to him. Beautiful rice omelet steamed in front of Zoro as Sanji held the plate to him, wearing an unusual but kind smile.

Zoro chuckled again at the memory and finally stood up, taking off his white shirt and tossing it to the pile of dirty clothes. His eyes stopped on that messy pile where a dirty backpack laid, next to countless pairs of underwear, pants and shirts. He shook his head, sighing heavily this time as the memory once again came to him. He didn't want to remember it but it stayed, no matter how many times he sighed or shook his head. He remembered how angry and stubborn he was when he freely got off the ship and went looking for ingredients on the new island they docked on. It was a long time ago but fights with the cook just keep dwelling inside his mind. And that day also, he fought with Sanji over stupid things, took the backpack and set foot on the jungle island, wanting to cool his head off by exploring and hopefully finding some food that could calm the blonde storm. His pride boiled his blood, messed up with his brain, heated up his breathing and clouded his eyes until he finally realized that he was deeply in the forest, alone and lost. And at that moment he knew that Sanji will mock him when he gets back, yell at him for how hopeless and stupid he is and then Zoro would yell back and the fight with start again. That thought alone made him angry. But he was still alone in the dark forest with the backpack full of different kinds of fruits and it was pointless to be frustrated – he needed to find a way to get back. But as the time went by, the sky became darker and he didn't have any light on him. Rustling through leaves of the tall jungle trees, he hoped for a way back but stopped once he heard something moving behind him. If it was the animal, they will have a feast and Zoro was ready to slice it up. Just as his sword stopped, slightly out of the scabbard, the being behind those leaves came out and met with Zoro's dark eyes. His breathing calmed and his eyes widened. The one all dirty, scratched and panting in front of him was Sanji, the cook whom he fought with back on the ship. Without a word, Sanji wiped the sweat from his chin with his sleeve and hugged Zoro, burying his face into Zoro's shoulder, making the swordsman sit on the ground surprised by the cook's actions. No words were exchanged back then; two men silently went back to the ship, walking beside each other and looking at the ground the whole time. The night ended with them not saying a word to each other.

Zoro only clicked his tongue, averting his eyes from the dirt covered backpack and feisty taking the pearl white dress shirt that was the closest to him. Kind navigator sorted the clothes for him, in order they should be put on. Zoro slowly buttoned the small white buttons, feeling the fabric adjusting itself on his tight body. Finally closing the last button on his collar, Zoro felt uncomfortable but he needed to bear with it… for _his_ sake. He them took his old and put on the new black pants Nami ironed and folded them for him. It was ridiculous how the crew was united and caring at times. Even though they would fight at times… they care for each other. Just like Zoro cared for _him_. Tucking the white shirt in the pants so that there are no wrinkles, Zoro looked up at the tall mirror in front of him. He already felt exhausted and the cook had to do that every day. At times, Zoro admired how Sanji always looked spotless in his suits. He always looked clean and fresh despite that he had to cook for this crazy crew of theirs. He gives his credit for that.

Thinking of caring, another memory flew into his mind and Zoro couldn't just shake it off – he _wanted_ to remember it. A small smile went up his lips. Regardless of two of them fighting at times Zoro cared for the cook and to show him his appreciation, to finally do something for him, Zoro once promised that they will have night just for them, even if it meant that they'll freeze in the open crow's nest of Going Merry. Yet, he was stupid and careless once again. After eating Sanji's delicious lunch, where he noticed that the cook put more effort than ever (probably because of their promised night), Zoro ate it all in delight and like he always did, went to the back of the ship, his favorite spot, and took a nap. And maybe because the food was too delicious or maybe that he was just tired but had his stomach full of wonderful food, Zoro overslept. He didn't hear anything; crew probably tried to wake him up, _Sanji_ probably tried to wake him up, but he just continued sleeping. At the time he woke up, it was the dead of the night; starts were high up in the sky, large moon shone on the small ship which quietly sailed on the open and calm sea in the warm summer night. He sighed – he screwed up and he just knew that Sanji will get angry. He broke a simple promise he gave and he wouldn't be surprised if Sanji stops talking to him. As he traded with Luffy, Zoro stood up and went up to the crow's nest, ready for the sleepless night full of worry and countless thoughts of Sanji. But as he took a step in the small crow's nest he saw Sanji, wrapped in the blanket with a plate of food, sake bottle and two glasses in front of him. Their eyes met and Zoro could feel the guilt eating him. He looked away from the cook, frowning and obviously angry at himself. But his eyes went back to Sanji as he heard a small chuckle and a warm invite the blonde cook said. Zoro looked down at his boots, stepping in the small space and sitting next to the cook. His pride made him bite the inside of his lower lip as he continued looking anywhere else that at the man sitting next to him. His shoulders tensed more as he felt arms wrapping around them and the warm forehead touching his left temple. He heard his soft voice, felt his warm breath on his neck and carried the weight of Sanji's long arms on his shoulders. The cook whispered soft worlds in sweet voice, relaxing Zoro until the swordsman finally turned his head to him, touching his forehead with Sanji's.

Tie seemed hard to wrap around his neck and yet again, he admired Sanji for his patience. It annoyed the hell out of Zoro at the moment yet Sanji always did it perfectly with full focus and care. So after seventh attempt, Zoro got the grip of it and tied a perfect knot around his neck. Long black tie looked weird on him; that thought bugged him but it was all for the sake of his loved one. There was no smile this time as he remembered that day he shamelessly rejected Sanji's care and love. Was it pride again? Most likely, yes. That day, Zoro pushed Sanji away from him, not wanting to get any close in broad daylight, and went once again to the ship's rear; he picked up the weights and trained the whole day to cool off because the thoughts of guilt didn't leave him. He was sure that Sanji will hate him; his attitude once again didn't let them be close, love each other like they did at nights. Reconciled with the thought that Sanji will hate him for the rest of his life and the thought that it's the end of their relationship, Zoro took a shower but couldn't go to the bedroom. Instead, he went back to the stern of the ship and sat down, leaning on the wooden wall. Few moments later, he heard footsteps and looking up saw Sanji frowning and biting his lip. He prepared himself for huge amount of yelling but Sanji only kneeled in front of him and just stared at his legs. Just as Zoro was about to open his mouth and say the words that always weighted incredibly much Sanji looked up at him still biting his lip although this time his eye filled tears that took Zoro by surprise. Not being able to watch the pain wrinkling his face any longer, Zoro reached out and hug Sanji close to him really tight that he felt Sanji's heart beat on his own chest, felt the gasps he took to calm down, the sobs that died out on his shoulder. And he didn't let go, he wanted to hug his cook more until the dawn comes, until the tears dry up, until their feelings once again calm down, until they both get tired of each other. And they didn't get tired, their feeling still burned brightly for each other in that calm night. Tears soaked the cotton fabric of the white shirt but the hands gripped that same shirt tighter, not ever wanting to let go. They stayed like that for a long time that night.

Finally, black jacket covered the white shirt underneath and tightened around his shoulders as Zoro buttoned it up. The only thing left were shoes that waited by the sofa, their leather ready to be stretched. Zoro put them on and once again looked at his reflection in the tall mirror. He will love this, he thought as the small smile curved up his lips. His eyes suddenly went away beside the mirror where his three katanas were and his smile faded. He remembered the thing he didn't want to…

"Zoro, it's time! Hurry up!" that was Nami's voice, coming from above, through the small entrance of the men's quarters up on the deck.

Zoro once again realized: Sanji was the one he loved the most yet… They fought so much and Sanji would get angry at him but that raging fire would calm down. Sanji gave so much to him – his patience, love, care, body and soul. He put up with Zoro, he loved and protected him yet Zoro's pride was always in the way. There were many times in the memories that came to him where he should've apologized, said that he loved him back, that he cared for him just as much as Sanji did but…

"Zoro!" Nami's voice came again and he sighed. Zoro climbed up on the deck and met his crewmates, all dressed up in black elegant suits, waiting for him. Nami's weak smile pierced his heart along with others' expressions.

He wished for time to go back. He wished for that fight from three days ago to never happen. He wished that Sanji didn't run to the island alone. He wished that he ran faster that day after hearing what Robin said about the bandits. He wished that they never docked to this island.

He wished that he said those words Sanji strived for before anything happens.

Knowing the instructions Zoro, along with Luffy and Usopp, stopped beside _him_ … wrapped in white cloth. Zoro's expression was blank but tears streamed down for the others. He could hear Nami sobbing in Robin's arms, her tears soaking the dark dress woman wore. He could hear Usopp's attempt to hide tears and sobs that mixed with Chopper's small cries. Zoro looked up at Luffy and saw his captain looking down at the white cloth, salty tears sliding down his young cheeks. Zoro's eyes didn't water – he cried alone. He cried the whole night… three days ago.

He looked down and kneeled to the white wrapping. Luffy and Usopp followed his example and all together took the long and heavy wrapping and slowly raised it up to the edge of ship's railing. They rested it there and Zoro looked at Luffy again but the captain couldn't proceed. No one could do that.

Zoro looked down again and bit his lip.

"I'm sorry for all the things I did and didn't do," Zoro's voice made others look at him and sobs went quiet but he just continued looking at the front of the wrapping, "I'm sorry that I hurt you in any way. I realized it many times but I just… I couldn't say it in time. I know you will never forgive me but you should know that…" his voice silenced as his sore throat couldn't produce any sounds. Instead of words, tears built up in his eyes and one immediately fell on the white cloth he held.

His speech ended up unfinished yet his thoughts screamed inside his head. He didn't want to part with him. This didn't need to happen on this island. There were still words that were left unspoken, kisses and hugs that they didn't share, nights they didn't spent, love they didn't share… This just didn't need to happen! He didn't need to die! All he needed was to stay in Zoro's arms – forever!

Loud sobs filled the cold air again and Zoro bit his lip again. Others cried their parting words, sobbed over their dead friend which now rested in the white cloth, wrapped together with heavy rocks yet still looking beautiful in one of his elegant black suits.

'… _I love you…Sanji.'_

Three men pushed the heavy wrapping until it lost balance and fell down the ship and deep into the ocean. Cries became louder as he disappeared under the blue water, away from them, away from his friends and his loved swordsman. They cried his name in the rain which gradually became harder the deeper he sank down.

Straw Hat Crew cried in the rain, calling for their dear companion, leaning over the railing of the small Going Merry while the cold rain poured on them, soaking those elegant black suits and mixing with bitter tears.

And he cried also. Facing up to the sky, he let the rain mask the tears that didn't stop. Heavy gray clouds dwelled over him, mixing together and letting hard rain pour on his painful face. That cold rain washed the tears away and he wished for it to wash the pain away from his heart. But he knew… that could never happen. He will always feel the burning love for Sanji, no matter where he is and he knew that nothing will be able to replace him. That day he killed. Blinded with rage he killed few of the bandits, taking revenge for Sanji and if it wasn't for Nami to stop him, the other wouldn't get away on the boat but be dead on the bottom of the sea in the moment. His crewmates' cries were replaced by the sound of the pouring rain – his ears were filled with heavy splashing noise as his mind and heart were empty yet his chest didn't stop aching. Looking at the gray sky, Zoro slightly opened his mouth and silently told the Heavens his last words, hoping that the soul of his loved one will hear them. Right now, he could only do that, as the body of his beloved blonde cook rested on the bottom of deep ocean and the swordsman was left alone in the rain… suffering like he never did in his life.

In the end, he couldn't do anything for Sanji but just push him away from him, away from his love and away from his heart. And that guilt, that regret, will follow him for the rest of his life... and he knew that, he was prepared for it. He stood empty and painful, feeling all alone in that drenched suit, looking up and waiting for Heavens to punish him. However… Zoro always thought that he would wear a black suit to stand beside Sanji with a big smile on his face… but he didn't.

* * *

 _THE END_

 _Inspired by my ZoSan edit:_ _anna-hiwatari.*tumblr*.com*/_ _post/99923519779/_

 **Note** : Sorry for the weird ending, I was crying and my mind was messy and I just... ugh, I'm going to cry to sleep... ;_;


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